John and Karkat: Take a Journey
by Polar Sway
Summary: John has feelings for Karkat, he won't deny that. Well he won't deny it to himself or his best bro, Dave. JohnKat, T for swearing. AU.
1. Be the fool

**== BE JOHN EGBERT**

You sighed, quietly listening to the radio. Rolling over in bed you noticed a light on in the hallway. "Huh?" You didn't remember leaving a light on in the hallway. Hearing the door slam, you turned over to the door.

Quickly checking the clock you stared at the figure standing in the doorway, a yellowy halo surrounding him. "It's one in the morning, what do you want?" you groaned, eyes shielded from the blinding light coming from the doorway.

The figure shifted uncomfortably in the doorway and turned his head to look at the neat piles of your things lying about. "I.. I was wondering if.. I mean, I'm staying here tonight." He muttered glaring at you. "Don't tell me.. Your lusus is being crabby again," you laughed inwardly at the pun, " so you came here.?"

He nodded, walking out into the hall. "Hey, where are you going?" He shut off the light. "Oh." Sliding back into your room, which even you can't do without tripping on something, he eased himself into the covers and snuggled up to you.

You gently shoved him out and away, off of the bed. "Hey! What the fuck was that for?" He angrily spat. "I thought you got over that whole fucking 'not a homo' bullshit after your fling with Dave!"

I frowned. "And I thought that you got over that silly crush you had on me in junior high!" You retorted, not wanting to bring up that silly thing you had for Dave before, that was in the past.

Besides, it wasn't like you could say 'hey, bro, I've secretly had this huge crush on you for like, forever, and I've been lying to you this whole time about it because I didn't want to screw up our friendship but, fuck it, date me you asshole.'

No, only Dave, the king of cool could pull that one off, and you were like.. The opposite of cool according to Dave.

"Hey. Fuckass. You deaf or something you idiot?" You blinked, looking at him. "What?" You asked, confused." "You looked like you were in a trance or some shit" He said, frowning. "Oh, I was just thinking.." You said, embarrassed that Karkat caught you thinking in a dazed manner like that.

"What'cha thinkin' 'bout?" He inquires, suddenly interested in your silly thoughts. You blush and hope he doesn't notice. "I.. I forgot." You lie, terribly you might add, and try to grin sheepishly like you actually did forget to cover up your lying.

"Egbert, a fucking wriggler could tell that you're lying, spit it out." "I.. It's.. It's nothing! I don't want to talk about it!" He looks at you, as if deciding whether or not ot push it. Of course he decides yes. "Tell me, you dumb fuck, what's on your mind?" His voice gets softer as he reaches the end of the sentence, trying to be gentle, which is rare.

"I.." Shit Egbert.. Don't do it! "I... Think that I might possibly be.. What's it called?" You pause, thinking, and in that moment Karkat looks nervous, as if he is going to have a heart attack if you don't say something quick. Well.. No going back now. "I.. think I love you!"

Damn. Here comes the rejection. Instead of that, however, he had a mixture of shock and confusion on his face. "Egbert.. I.. FUCK!" He yelled, storming out of the room, down the hall, and out of this house.

You sat there for a minute, stunned. Then a converation came to mind from a while back..

**== Quick! Have that flashback and be done with it!**

You rolled your chair over to the desk and immeadeatly turned on your computer, starting pesterchum.

Dave, Karkat, Vriska, Tavros, and Gamzee were on. You figured that trolls were probably already talking to eachother so you decided to pester Dave

**-ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 5:31-**

**EB: hey! dave! you have time to talk for a sec? **

**TG: sure whats up bro**

**EB: its about karkat.**

**TG: go on**

**EB: i think i love him**

**TG: whoa now tiger think first **

**TG: are you sure**

**TG: Im pretty fucking sure you just broke up with me like **

**TG: A month ago?**

**TG: How could you possibly love him?**

**EB: dave! look, i know, i just.. ughhhhhhhh**

**EB: i know i love him**

**EB: and i know that you are my bro and you would understand**

**EB: that's why i came to you**

**TG: fine **

**TG: what do you need**

**EB: i**

**EB: i need romantic advice**

**TG: kiss him**

**EB: dave! i'm being serious here!**

**TG: so am i**

**TG: if you try and confront him hell just run away**

**TG: so kiss him**

**EB: i don't think thats going to help but.. i'll keep that in mind**

**EB: thanks bro, i knew i could count on you**

**EB: see you later!**

**-ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] at 5:49-**

**== End this flashback, I'm getting bored already.**

You shake your head, recollecting your thoughts and deciding you should go get Karkat now, you've left him alone long enough. "I hope he isn't too angry."

_A/N: Hey! PolarSway here! I hope you liked this first chapter, this is my first fanfic! That being said, I apologize for any OOCness that happens.. Critique is welcomed! I'll try and make the next chapter longer, I'm leaving on a trip tomorrow however and I most likely won't get a whole lot done in the next week. I'll try to update sometime though, maybe every friday? We'll see, until then, have fun!... PTHH_

_P.S.! If anyone has a good suggestion as to what I can name this (warning: no guarantees that it will be kept if it doesn't make sense with the plot as I go on) I'd appreciate any help on this matter! Thanks!_

_P.P.S.! I apologize for the missing arrow points, it keeps deleting them.. _


	2. Be the idiot

**== Be that idiot, Karkat**

Hey! You aren't an idiot!

Well.. Maybe you are one, you really don't know at this point. What you do know right is that you are most certainly outside right now, and most certainly soaking wet.

Just as you are about to start crying.. You mean about to start.. Ah, who are you trying to kid? You started crying the instant you were out of earshot from John. Now you're sobbing on the corner of his street, and you aren't exactly sure why.

What you should be doing right now is kissing that idiot. You shouldn't be crying alone in the rain like the girl who's matesprit just left her and now she stands crying and alone on the corner until...

Suddenly you can't feel the rain dripping onto your shoulders. Looking up, you say "John? Is that you?" You don't even get a response. You're just standing under an umbrella, kissing that asshole smack on the lips. Before you can lean in, he pulls away, both of you blushing bright red.

"John.. I.." "Shhh.. Don't say anything." He cuts you off. "John. Fuck. Listen." He looks startled, afraid. You hesitate, unsure if this is the right thing to say. "I think you should think about this first." You give him a serious look. "I don't want what happened to Dave to happen to me."

He looks at you, shocked. "Karkat! I thought we discussed this already! I don't love Dave anymore! Its over, so stop bringing this up...!" He is pissed. With reason of course.

You feel miserable. You whimper gently, hoping that he doesn't notice. "J-john..?"

"No, go back home Karkat. Before I make things worse." He mutters the last part, and you mishear. Instead of hearing him say he was going to make things worse, you thought he ment you would make things worse.

"What do you mean 'before I make things worse'?" you hiss. "If I recall you were the one who rejected me time and time again. And then you poured salt in every cut you made by agreeing to date_**Dave Fucking Strider." **_You spit out that douche's name, cursing and muttering as you walk away.

He walks away, both of you feeling hurt and angry. Him probably just a bit more confused than you.

**== Quick, be the John human before you miss the chance!**

You are John, and you are more than a little bit angry.

Your friend-leader-palhoncho just pretty much said he hated you, which is the opposite of what you wanted to happen. You curse yourself. And then you curse Dave.

You can't help but feel that somehow this is all Dave's fault. If he hadn't suggested you kiss Karkat. If he hadn't agreed to date you. If he had been easier to love. If he wasn't _**so damn hot. **_

Wait. You didn't just say that. You can't think that anymore because you're in love with Karkat. You're sure of it. You hope.

Oh god.. What if you aren't?

Your mind swirls into a deep valley of despair, Karkat was right. You aren't even over Dave yet, so how could you possibly love them both? You can't without hurting one of them and ruining your chances with both.

A know forms in your chest.

_**What have I done? **_You ask yourself, feeling a single tear of agony fall down your pitiful face.

Maybe.. Just maybe if you can win Karkat's heart you will be able to get over Dave and make everyone happy. That's all you've ever wanted. To make everyone happy. This is your greatest downfall.

That's why you started dating Dave in the first place. Karkat, he could survive without you at that point, but Dave, he needed someone to love him, for him to love. You left him after you realized that there really was no spark between the two of you. You just couldn't stand to hurt him by trying to push it for any longer.

Some point after you broke up with him, your brain decided that the company you shared with him was nice, and you wanted more, but you just shrugged it off as your way of getting over him. You should have read the signs and got back together. Made it work, you know that this problem would never have formed if you had stayed with Dave.

_**== Emotional wrecks, what will you do now?**_

_A/N: Its me again! So what do you think? I hope this chapter is a bit better. I'm currently on vacation and the relaxation makes it easier to write freely. Oh, and I forgot to mention this in the first A/N, but I'd love it if you guys reviewed for me! Hopefully reviews will give me the inspiration/will to finish this fic. Also, feel free to correct any mistakes. I'm planning on having a friend proof-read my fics when I get back home, but for now, what I have should do. Beside the point.. Thanks for reading! I can't wait to post the next chapter! (By the way, I'd still love some help with the title, I've grown a bit attatched to the current one, but if you can think of anything better, I'll consider changing it!)_

- Polar

P.S.- You guys don't have to read authors notes.. If anything actually important happens I'll type it at the top in bold!


	3. Be yourself

_**== Emotional wreck number one, Karkat, go home now.**_

You do just that, and quite quickly too.

As you dash home you think about what just happened. If you only you hadn't run. If only you hadn't said those words of hatred to John. If only. If only you could live your life listing if onlys.

You crash on the floor in your room and immediately regret it. Hopefully that stunt you just did wont wake crabdad. He is a pretty light sleeper for how ridiculously long it takes him to fall asleep. Great. He's probably awake now and you are going to have to strife with him to get him to go away.

The door squeaks quietly open and you hear a whirr of clicks and growls behind you. Damn. And you were so close to getting out of it.

"Yes, crabdad, I know that I came home way too fucking late." You grumble, repeating the usual phrases said when you come home late and wake him up. "No, crabdad, I was not filling pails. That's fucking disgusting." You yawn, trying to hint that you want to go to bed. "Look, I was with John, kay? Yeah, yeah, I know.. No, Dave wasn't there, no I didn't kill anyone!" You tap your foot, trying desperately to signal that you want to end this conversation.

"Daaadd..! Go to bed already." You whine, starting to shuffle clothes off so you can get into your recupracoon.

You wake up, clean up, and walk outside. Normally you would log on to pesterchum now, but you really aren't in the mood to talk.

Walking down the street, you don't even realize it, but when you look at the houses, you realize that you have walked to Dave's apartment.

"I am so going to regret this.." You mutter, walking into the complex and ringing the buzzer for his room. 123.. It's almost funny how he has the same room number as his birthdate. Oh well.. You hate this guy so you don't know but it was probably on purpose.

"Yo. Strider here. Who's this?" You roll your eyes. "Karkat." "Oh." A pause. "Sure. I'll buzz you in." You sigh, a loud buzz quickly filling the small entry and then fading just as fast. You climb slowly up the stairs. About halfway up you wish you'd taken the elevator.

You tap gently on the door. He peeks out. "Sorry. My bro says no prostitutes when he's not home." You scowl, pushing open the door and collapsed on the couch, head in hands.

"Dave.. I- I just.. I don't know what to do Dave." You shudder, feeling a tear prick the edge of your eye. No. Not in front of him. Fighting the tears, you manage to force out a cry, "I pushed him away.. I shouldn't have but I did and now he probably doesn't want me any more. I'm a failure."

Dave stands behind you, totally unaffected by your display.

"Look, Karkat, dude, chill." You look up, sniffling gently. "I'm sure you've got your panties way too far knotted up your alien butt to see it but.. Go try actually talkin' to John. Maybe instead of running like you always do.." "I don't run!" You mutter, cutting him off.

"Instead of running you can maybe listen for a change. Try that for once, Karkl..Kat.." He says, Obviously he's been hanging around Terezi far too much..

Now you're at John's house. Oh god, what if he hates you.

Too late, you've already rang the doorbell and can hear someone running to the door.

It's John. As he opens the door you flinch, and he stares at you for a moment.

"Karkat? I thought you hated me or something! Come on in!" He says hesitantly, but none the less cheerfully.

You walk in, tempted to run, just like Dave said. Damn you hate him. "No." You say firmly, straightening your back. He turns around from the door, confused. "No, what?" "I said that out loud?" He laughs uneasily. "Yeah, you kinda did." And then the silence. "Ooops."

"Soo.. " He persists, trying to break some of the tension. "What did you come here for?"

"John. I think I was wrong." You start. "I l-" "Hold on!" He says, restraining a tricky chuckle.

You just watch as he dashes around the room, turning various lights off. "Hey! what'd you do that for?!" You squint, trying to see in the dark, which, even as a troll, is difficult.

"Here" the fuckass says, lighting some candles. "What the hell?" You mutter, looking around.

Flower petals litter the ground and.. Oh god. He's reaching for the stereo. He hits a button and music softly fades in. Harps.

"John, I swear to whatever god you think exists _that probably doesn't_ that if you don't cut this out right fucking now, I'll walk out the door."

He frowns, hitting the button again to turn the music off.

"I was trying to set the mood." He mutters, obviously embarrassed that his plan failed.

"What did you want to tell me?" "Nothing." "Karkat, really.. What was it?" You could tell this would go on for a while if it didn't stop now.

_A/N: Hey guys! Sorry if this chapter is bad.. And 3 weeks late. I've been out-of-town alot lately and haven't had a lot of writing inspiration. Plus Karkat's point of view is a bit hard for me._

_I may just continue the rest of this in John's POV, just FYI. And I won't be able to post next friday either unless I type quickly. I might post it saturday if I can't get it in on time. _

_Also, I don't think I'll be able to continue at a rate of a chapter per week, that seems like too much considering school will be starting soon so I will most likely be just posting when I can. I'll aim for at least once a month!_

_Thanks to all the people who followed/favorited this and a special thanks to those who reviewed! _

_-Polar_


	4. Notice!

Hey! It's me, Polar Sway!

If you have been wondering why I haven't updated, honestly, I've had a bit of writers block as far as this fanfic goes, and it would be amazingly helpful if someone would give me a few ideas that I can write from next. I may change this into a prompt-based fic, depending on how well this goes. Any suggestions would be helpful so please pm me if you have an idea!


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